"You know, they were so young, Charlie. They were your age. It’s hard when that happens so far away, you know, because with the noises and the shooting, they had to be so scared. It’s hard not to think that right then, they needed their mother. Anyway… I miss my boys."
This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I’d gotten the time of the train wrong.
I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.
I want you to picture the scene. It’s very important that you get this very clear in your mind.
Here’s the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There’s a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.
It didn’t look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There’s nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.
You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know… But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn’t do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?
In the end I thought, nothing for it, I’ll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn’t because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.
Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice…” I mean, it doesn’t really work.
We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.
Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.
The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who’s had the same exact story, only he doesn’t have the punch line.
|—||Douglas Adams (via katelizabeth)|
i bet being a frog takes a lot of kermitment
You think this is a fucking game
Mulan loved my Mulan pen!
She said, “I love things that have my face on it.”
Wow, Mulan, conceited much ;). Seems like you may have been spending some time with Gaston!
SHOOTS LIKE MULAN
WEARS MEN’S SUITS LIKE MULAN!
THINKS FAST AND KICKS ASS ON A ROOF LIKE MULAN
MULAN: “I USE AVALANCHES IN ALL OF MY BATTLE SCHEMIIIING!”
NOT QUITE A GUY, THAT MULAN!
WHEN I WAS A GIRL I DRANK 3 CUPS OF TEA
EVERY MORNING TO HELP ME GROW STRONG
NOW I’VE GROWN UP I DRINK FIVE CUPS OF TEA
AND I DEFEATED THE KING OF THE HUUUUUUUNS
THERE’S JUST ONE GIRL AROUND WHO’S SAVED ALL OF US NOW AND HER NAME M U L A NNNN!!!!!
When someone emotionally hurts you but you have to act like you don’t care.
I’m a snowflake on the wind…
my favorite part of Good Omens
Anna Kendrick live tweeting The Sound of Music Live!
this may be my favorite gif set of all time
Jeff Wasson’s self-proclaimed “wife” in plate armor made from 1050 hardened steel. From the website:
Notice that her breastplate covers her ribcage and stops at the narrowest part of her waist. Below that a fauld of hooped lames covers her hips, flexing and allowing her to bend.
The breastplate is very rounded and has a crest running down the center. Both of these attributes allow it to deflect blows, and give the wearer plenty of room to breath. The pauldrons overlap the breastplate and have reinforcing plates.
The phrase ‘self-proclaimed “wife”” always gives me a laugh here and I’m not sure why. That is indeed Stacy Wasson, all-around badass jouster. She was also the rider in that “Female Armour” shot, riding the bay horse with the marvellous two-point seat. I totally think she looks like Joan of Arc with that haircut!
I like how Massachusetts is in the least likely to curse but also most impolite.
California most likely to curse most polite too fuck yeah thank
FUCK YEA CALIFORNIA IS POLITE AS FUCK
Somehow I don’t believe MA is least likely to curse …
spreading the christmas cheer guys
Time to watch this everyday for the rest of this month.
my brother told me there were literally traffic accidents bc people who weren’t aware the movie was being filmed saw will ferrell prancing around as an elf and were like what the fuck
I’m sorry, I can never see this scene and not think of this: